There are days that go by without a care in the world. Without anything standing out to make that day seem "important or different." The day I heard Will's dx was not one of them.
Please understand a couple of things:
First - This is hard for me to write. My main goals for writing this blog is therapy for me and a way to relay this information to maybe, someday...help someone else. It breaks my heart to relive her words....
Secondly - In January of this year (2010) God told me we would find THE answer. He didn't say I'd like it. He didn't say it would fit nicely into a little box. He didn't give any clarity....just that it would be found. And, as weeks passed I realized that it may not be what I wanted but it would come crystal clear to me and my family. But, oh how I hoped it would be...ok.
Horribly sad story short...(oh, and she took the report back so I don't have all the fancy words in my head yet)
He has a mood disorder. (Yup)
He has PDD-NOS. Pervasive Developement Disorder Not Otherwise Specific. In short terms that is in the autism family, but not enough of the indicators to reach an autism diagnosis. So, it really means....something is really wrong...but don't know what. (Thanks a lot)
He had something else I cant' remember.
And, the one that physically is still hurting my heart....can't remember the real words for the diagnostic terms....
His IQ is 63.
What a blow to my heart and head.
A teacher is around 120.
Gardeners, Construction Workers, etc 90
70-79 - Borderline
Under 70 is Extremely Low
Will is 63
For those who know Will..you'll ask yourself...But, he's so smart? He builds things? He thinks of clever things? She said he creates an illusion of being smarter than he really is. He tries SO hard to please others by being "smart" and "well-behaved". Now, if you know Will he is NOT well-behaved.....so without his trying. Wheh!
His overall number is actually MR. mentally retarded... :( But, he scored in the 70's on some parts of the tests so he is labeled borderline. Of course, how LOW were his lows to average is 63? :(
He literally can't be better. Can't. Will never. It was like hearing my child is terminal...except he will still live. He'll live in his world that doesn't make sense....and our world doesn't make ANY sense to him.
She highly recommended that I stop homeschooling him. (major failure music play...) I started to tear up when she said this....Home needs to be only a "soft place to fall". School will always be hard. Learning will always be hard. Home needs to be a safe place.
So, I look at this little guy. And, I love him so much my heart hurts. He didn't deserve this blow. He has done nothing wrong. I know God didn't "do it to him". Our God is loving, merciful, precious God. He loves us. He loves Will.
But, I just don't know what the future holds. I don't know what tomorrow holds for us. I've already (many years ago) given up on college....on a normal life for Will. But, now... I know. I know. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27 I love how I write and God just POPS! into my head. :)
So, Dr. Britt told us she would be an advocate for us. She'll call Midway. She'll meet with them. He can learn...but at a much slower pace. By law, they HAVE to educate him. She said..we'll need to be the squeaky wheel. We'll need to keep on top of things. That is not my forte.
So..now I have no more mascara. But, I am listening to Selah sing....
Sweet Jesus
My Shepherd
You are my faithful friend
You hold me
You lead me
I'll follow till the end
And, once more I will say on that beautiful day
When your arms take me in
Sweet Jesus
My shepherd
You are my faithful friend.
Sweet...sweet Jesus.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Back from Thanksgiving Break...
Did you know that I have TWO kiddos?? ;) I never ever want to seem like Taylor is in "the back of my heart and mind". Perhaps the saying...the squeaky wheel gets the oil is a correct assumption to make. It also NEEDS the oil.
Branson was fun. But, our vacations are never easy. (I know, I know...vacations are never easy with kids...but with Will there are some pretty harsh difficulties to work around) I'm super glad we got out of dodge. We ate some pretty yummy food, had a great time with my parents, and saw 3 amazing shows.
We had our first day of school today back from break. Will did great...until reading. He hates it. Have you ever tried to teach your cat to read? Yup. It's that easy with Will. I feel like I need some external help here. But, Will HATES doctors, testing, therapy, etc. So, perhaps I need to do some deep researching on reading disabilities. Anyone have some stored up extra time I can borrow?? ;)
Life is so full of interesting things. The more I am with Will....the more I SEE him through God's eyes....the more I love him. I need an extra dose of strength, patience, and love this week. I can just tell it. He is NOT the easiest kid to love....especially when he is threatening me. Or has his fist stuck in my face ready for battle.
Something to leave you with. Health IS so very important. It is. But, mental health? Oh man. I never, ever knew how important that is. I pray daily for Will's healing. I will never stop.
Branson was fun. But, our vacations are never easy. (I know, I know...vacations are never easy with kids...but with Will there are some pretty harsh difficulties to work around) I'm super glad we got out of dodge. We ate some pretty yummy food, had a great time with my parents, and saw 3 amazing shows.
We had our first day of school today back from break. Will did great...until reading. He hates it. Have you ever tried to teach your cat to read? Yup. It's that easy with Will. I feel like I need some external help here. But, Will HATES doctors, testing, therapy, etc. So, perhaps I need to do some deep researching on reading disabilities. Anyone have some stored up extra time I can borrow?? ;)
Life is so full of interesting things. The more I am with Will....the more I SEE him through God's eyes....the more I love him. I need an extra dose of strength, patience, and love this week. I can just tell it. He is NOT the easiest kid to love....especially when he is threatening me. Or has his fist stuck in my face ready for battle.
Something to leave you with. Health IS so very important. It is. But, mental health? Oh man. I never, ever knew how important that is. I pray daily for Will's healing. I will never stop.
Friday, November 19, 2010
A New Beginning....
Well, we began the process today of testing for Austism and Asperger's Syndrome. We met with Dr. Katie Britt-Sharp at Waco Psychological. I can not say how impressed I was with her. She immediately put us all at ease. She asked Will if he would stay and play (in the lobby) while Brad and I went to talk with her. He said NO. She said Ok! Noooo problem. So, I went back there with her and Brad stayed.
We had a doctor one time INSIST that Will stayed in the lobby. It was the most horrific situation we've EVER been in. Not doing THAT again!
I went back for about 30 minutes and told "Will's life story". When problems began. What problems he has. How we have dealt with them. What meds he's on. The "schpill" as I like to call it.
She said with all I said he "fits" into autism. I had hit every point. **I was surprised. But not. Could MY son be autistic? I mean..the autistic kids I taught in public school didn't act like Will. He has great verbal skills. He is more coordinated. He is...well...could he be?**
He came in with Brad. She asked if it could just be herself and Will. He said, nope! She said, ok! And, she began creating a relationship with him. (Isn't that what life is all about...relationships? Isn't that what Jesus so desperately wants from us? A relationship with Him? Ohh..such a beautiful picture)
They played games. She allowed him to pick. He felt incredibly wanted and the center of the fun. She asked him to come back to play more. She'll bring her turtle. He was WAY excited at that. In fact, he really can't wait to go back! **The next eval is in December...and it'll be 4 hours of testing. Now, that could NOT be done...unless a very special dr performed this. I BELIEVE she'll get results!**
He was happy as pie when we left. He could have stayed longer. :) And, we just adored her sweet, tender spirit she had.
Tonight I started going through the "homework" I had to fill out. As I read the numerous packets of info to complete....my whole spirit began to sink. Oh, such sadness. Oh, such bad memories. Oh, the problems with my baby.
I honestly just wanted to rip those papers up and say...Nope! We're fine!! But, we're not. Just skimming through those papers....his difficulties are so many. So hard.
I had to call mom to help "pick me back up". I realize I need to fill those out when I'm super awake and joyful. My dad's favorite quote is so true...Vince Lombardi said...Fatigue makes cowards of us all. And, that is quite correct.
We go back, with homework in hand, on Dec 14th. I think my son is Austistic. I need to start saying that out loud to try to get my little brain wrapped around it.
So, I'll leave you with an AMAZING verse from The Message Bible. Matthew 6:34
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
We had a doctor one time INSIST that Will stayed in the lobby. It was the most horrific situation we've EVER been in. Not doing THAT again!
I went back for about 30 minutes and told "Will's life story". When problems began. What problems he has. How we have dealt with them. What meds he's on. The "schpill" as I like to call it.
She said with all I said he "fits" into autism. I had hit every point. **I was surprised. But not. Could MY son be autistic? I mean..the autistic kids I taught in public school didn't act like Will. He has great verbal skills. He is more coordinated. He is...well...could he be?**
He came in with Brad. She asked if it could just be herself and Will. He said, nope! She said, ok! And, she began creating a relationship with him. (Isn't that what life is all about...relationships? Isn't that what Jesus so desperately wants from us? A relationship with Him? Ohh..such a beautiful picture)
They played games. She allowed him to pick. He felt incredibly wanted and the center of the fun. She asked him to come back to play more. She'll bring her turtle. He was WAY excited at that. In fact, he really can't wait to go back! **The next eval is in December...and it'll be 4 hours of testing. Now, that could NOT be done...unless a very special dr performed this. I BELIEVE she'll get results!**
He was happy as pie when we left. He could have stayed longer. :) And, we just adored her sweet, tender spirit she had.
Tonight I started going through the "homework" I had to fill out. As I read the numerous packets of info to complete....my whole spirit began to sink. Oh, such sadness. Oh, such bad memories. Oh, the problems with my baby.
I honestly just wanted to rip those papers up and say...Nope! We're fine!! But, we're not. Just skimming through those papers....his difficulties are so many. So hard.
I had to call mom to help "pick me back up". I realize I need to fill those out when I'm super awake and joyful. My dad's favorite quote is so true...Vince Lombardi said...Fatigue makes cowards of us all. And, that is quite correct.
We go back, with homework in hand, on Dec 14th. I think my son is Austistic. I need to start saying that out loud to try to get my little brain wrapped around it.
So, I'll leave you with an AMAZING verse from The Message Bible. Matthew 6:34
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A new blog
Well, the Lord has laid something on my heart...And, I felt the best place to share it was on a new blog. Why..not sure. But, alas here I am....
Yesterday our precious pastor preached on Philippeans 4. Here are the verses that truly inspired me...4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Of course, I've heard that 254 times...but THIS time I realized something. Will may/may not be healed on earth. I pray that EVERY day. But, today....TODAY....I realized this....I am peaceful. For the first time in years...I am peaceful. And, it's because of God's goodness and mercy.
See...there is truly nothing "earthly" for me to be peaceful about. I quit the teaching job I loved more than anything to homeschool a child who HATES school. Will has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, OCD, tic disorder, learning disability, I think he's dyslexic, speech impairment, and severe sensory disorders. We are getting him testing for a form of autism called Aspergers' Syndrome. But, yet...my heart is peaceful. And, it was that Bible verse today that made me realize it. And, for that, I am so incredibly grateful to the God of the Universe. :) Joy. :)
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